Hi there 🙂 Is it weird that at 4:00 in the morning I was awake dreaming up what to write in this post. No, I wasn’t even nursing Jack – that was at 2:00. 4:00 is when Lucy woke up screaming. Not the cry that said she was accidentally woken up, but that something was wrong and she was not happy. So Seth went in first. We changed her diaper, gave her tylonol for her ever growing molars… cuddled like there was no tomorrow. As soon as we would walk in to her bedroom she would look at her crib and exclaim, “No No” as she pointed to the nice mattress. Next it was my turn. Which is when I walked into the living room to behold a brand new blanket of snow across our front yard. The world stopped. My baby girl on my shoulder, the breathtaking landscape… last night did not go smoothly – but that moment I will probably cherish for as long as my memory allows. It was here that I was thinking about what to tell you about my daughter.
Honestly, I feel like I am still uncovering all that is Lucy. She is not simple to me. We are so similar and vastly different in one breath. One second she is cool and calculated – inspecting the toy in her hand like a scientist would… touching every screw and joint, turning it over in scrutiny. When she is done with an activity, she is DONE! Take a bath for example. She loves to play in the water. For about 5 minutes… then all bets off and watch out! She will either poop in the water and she has even foamed at the mouth. She often leaves us scratching our heads for what we did wrong.
But then… she will dance when the music has a good beat. she will shake her little hips and get a crowd roaring with laughter. She is the sweetest thing I could have imagined. She has an innate sense of justice. At 15 months she will fearlessly tattle tale on the disobedient cousin 🙂
I absolutely adore this baby girl. It brings me to tears just thinking about it I think my heart might explode. She is sleeping right now with three pacis in her crib just cuz she can 🙂 (this is not the norm).
She is pretty sure she is Jack’s momma. This morning she was upset at me that I didnt let her feed him. She loves to play with him and teach him things. She dances for him, reads to him, and tells him all kinds of stories. A lot of the time he just rolls his eyes away from her… but when you least expect it – he stares at her. Fixated by her curious and beautiful ways of exploration.
Lucy is not fast. She is like her Daddy so much: slow and thorough… doesn’t like to do any task unless it is done the right way. She has my temper though man… Shes going to be one intense beauty queen I tell you 🙂 She wants it done right and right NOW. Last night I had a realization though… which inspired this post. I think one of the harder things for me this past year of becoming a mom…. and now a mom of two. Is that every where you turn, no matter what you are doing… you will disappoint someone. You will be going against someones theory of how it worked with their kids. You will do something because youre tired, or you read the wrong book according to someone’s aunt’s cousin, and you gave in to anger or convenience. I seriously seriously struggle with disappointment. Even if it is your great aunt’s cousin Ive never met. And last night I had to come to Jesus’ feet and ask forgiveness. I realized I am really afraid of disappointing him. Thats the root of it all. Then it hit me that by raising my daughter… I will be instilling these truths in her as well. If I am living in fear of disappointing people – of all shapes and sizes… she will pick up on this. It won’t be what I say to her. It will be what I do. Praise God for grace, eh? Ah… no, now I will pray. I will pray for my baby girl. To learn how to handle disappointment: from people, for people… and that God never disappoints! It might feel like it. It might feel like it a lot… but that is just NOT true. He does what is right, and good, and true. And he is faithful. In the middle of the night. When your child is born without fingers or toes… at the end of the day when we lay our heads down… and at the end of our days when we will finally get to see him face to face!