Carried… by grace

I just killed a spider.

This has very little significance to my life… except that it is not how I normally respond to spiders. I typically react in two ways:
1) gasp and flick it away to continue living as if it’s existence was nonexistent.
2) become instantly seized with fear for some weird reason and call for my husband to take care of it immediately.

But tonight… I pulled back the shower curtain after a long day and I saw him struggle against the current of the water I turned on. He looked so pitiful trying to climb up the wet shower wall. I took a small breath, manned up, and got the little guy out.

It was then that I remembered how tired I am. I couldn’t respond to the spider how I normally do. I responded to the situation at hand and that was all I could handle.

My life feels like a mess right now.

I recently talked to a few elders at our church who so graciously met with Seth and I to care for us – which is exactly how we felt – so cared for… anyway, he said plainly, “You guys have quite a trial you are in…”

It wasn’t until then that I realized I don’t see my life right now as a trial to get through. I am doing more than surviving. and I seriously am amazed at God for that.

Jack is my son. Not my trial, not my project, not my job… He is my baby. And right now he is sick. And he gets sick a lot. Which means that our family has had to rearrange the way that we do life.

Recently, a fellow Apert mom said goodbye to her little girl and today they placed a stone of remembrance for her short life of 19 months.

I prayed for them tonight as I rocked my wheezing baby boy rattled with bronchitis to bed…. reminding my soul that there are battles we will fight in this life. But the final battle – has already been won.

“When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable and the mortal with immortality, THEN the saying will come true, ‘death is swallowed up in victory.

So… death, where is your victory?

death, where is your sting?

(the sting that I feel right now?!)

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore my dear brothers – stand firm.

Let nothing move you.

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord

because you know –

your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

(1 Corinthians 15)


A lot has happened rather quickly as it always does. đŸ™‚

After many phone calls, emotional roller coasters, and tons of help from all kinds of places.. We got everything lined up for Jack’s surgeries this next week. The MRI, the cast removal, the anesthesia, the plane tickets, a FREE place to stay for the full 16 days I will be in Boston, a good plan for Lucy while I’m gone, the house is getting closer to being ready to sell, etc, etc… and now Jack is sick…. and we are 90 percent sure we will need to reschedule the surgery.

Now, as you can imagine by my former spewing of emotion how I would have responded to such news.

However, my lip only quivered and my heart dropped a little and I soon realized getting upset wouldn’t help me….” man’s anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word that is planted in you, which can save you.” (James 1).

It doesn’t say to humbly accept the situation at hand and be passive about it… but to accept the WORD in me that saves… As I drove home from the doctor and talked to my dear texan friend who reminded me that none of us are outside the realm of crazy things happening… I heard a voice in my soul…

“And we know that in all things GOD WORKS for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

Now, although I was comforted by the realization that I can easily find the silver lining in postponing the surgery (i.e. not leaving lucy for a solid 2 weeks, having more time to finish the house, family time, etc). the real thing that I have been able to meditate on is that in all of the things happening right now – God is at WORK! in my life of all places. My little insignificant life has purpose because God is IN it.

I now see that it’s a win-win. I either get to stay home for another week or month and keep on keeping on… or we go to Boston and Jack gets surgery.

There’s always a catch though, right?

His hyrdrocephalus…

How bad is it? Can it wait another month before intervention?

Will they have us come to boston for the preliminary tests and then send us home without surgery?

After his ear tubes, he got pneumonia… after his syndactyl release, he has bronchitis…

Only you know Lord… the ins and outs of Jack’s little body.

Thank you Lord, for Jack. for the daily reminder that I am not in control. That I have every circumstance as an opportunity to trust you with. Thank you for sending people to surround us. In prayer, in finances, in caring for Jack and Lucy, in listening to me vent and reading my splatterings in black and white. thank you.

I was recently assessing my life and decided I feel not as though some things are “falling through the cracks” but that everything in my life is falling through them and I am left with nothing in my hands….. but no…

everything is falling out of my hands, yes…

but I am left




Published by: shanninvanderark

A stay at home mom/Occupational Therapist who has two children, one recently diagnosed with Apert Syndrome, a new coffee roasting business, and a whole lotta stories to share on the journey

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